LIVING for ONESELF

My dear mother tells me, am at that age where my life is full of crises. It took me a while to understand what she really meant, but after evaluating my life, I got to see her point. For the better part of 2017 i was constantly complaining how things aint going my way from my career relationships, I was this unmotivated unhappy human being. I even thought I had anxiety problems.

As an escape to my problems I started reading a lot of personal blogs. I discovered Bikozulu’s work early last year, he happens to be one of the most amazing writers of our time. Through Biko’s story and that of his gang members I started appreciating the fact that life or rather success has no timelines but rather is a journey and I should not let anyone or society define it for me. I also developed an interest in personal development books, this is after a close friend asked me to read the “Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.” Reading the Alchemist made me aspire to find my purpose in life and to fulfill that purpose by chasing my dreams. Through Paulo’s  work I learnt the need to take charge of my own life to seek my “personal legend” as he puts it and to always listen and respect the “omens” which I tend to think is our intuition.

The younger me always thought being an adult was the best thing ever but being one has made me realize that growing up is a complicated thing,  it comes with a lot of uncertainty, pressure, self doubt. In spite of all these negative feelings, being in my twenties has been a humbling experience it has made me want to become a better person. I think of myself as person on a self discovery journey who is seeking to have a full meaningful life . I have re-evaluated my life and taken stock of the things and people that really matter. I have had to let go of things, hobbies and people that do not add value but rather derail me from living my personal legend.  I have also had to re-evaluate myself my virtues and vices, because personal growth comes from within and for me to live a more purposeful life I have to be my own self and live for myself.

In recent times there has been a lot of talk on why human beings should practice the act of gratitude rather than complaining all the time. I think gratitude and appreciation for oneself should come hand in hand, there is need to redefine success to fit in our own terms. We should learn to celebrate our small milestones just like we celebrate our toddlers’ small achievement. We should not wait to be celebrated but rather celebrate ourselves we should not wait to be gifted but rather gift ourselves. Self growth and appreciation fosters a positive mindset and that in return is true power.

“Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job” by Jim Rohn 

TIME IS NOW

March happens to be my favorite month of the year, while its my birthday month and at the same time we get to celebrate “International Women’s Day” on the 8th.I have always be a champion for gender equality way before i knew the word “feminist.” My mum Janet was the first person to ever call me a feminist due to my constant questioning of the gender roles as defined by our society. I think of myself a happy feminist who thinks we should be judged equally not on the basis of our gender.

Women are the pillars of our society and a medium through which life is brought forth. Despite having an important role in society our cultures & traditions tend to demean them. For instance practices such as Female Genital Mutilation is purely for the man’s selfish interest to demean the sexuality of the women and in most cases has resulted in reproductive health complications & death. Divorces in Kenya have become more rampant over the years but most of the time the women take the blame and are shunned. Our society is more forgiving on the shortcomings of men they are always excused  of their wrong doings because of their mere fact they are male ie in our Kenyan society rich & middle class well to do men are allowed to cheat on their wives and the wives are expected to live with it because that is the “norm.”

In spite of all this the Kenyan women are aggressively working hard to better themselves while at the same time empowering the girl child to dream and chase those dreams. Women are seeking financial empowerment and freedom, concepts such as table banking are some of the brilliant ideas that these women have embarked on. Seriously i would wish to know and meet the person who introduced this “ngumbacho” as my cucu calls them. Women are also coming together to address social issues such as water shortage whereby they jointly build or buy water tanks.  The participation of women in political & leadership position over the past years have also been on the rise we now have 3 women governors soon maybe we shall even have a president.

Kenya has made some progress in women empowerment but a lot can still be done. For instance FGM & early marriages should soon become a thing of the past. I believe education is the most effective tool to use in this gender fight. Its not about exchanging gender roles but rather empowering both genders while at the same time respecting their masculinity and femininity. Through education we shall be able to appreciate what is good in our culture and what does not enrich us.

The theme for this years international women’s day is “Time is Now: Rural & Urban Activist Transforming Women’s Lives.” This years celebration seeks to celebrate individuals who are empowering women in both rural and urban areas. The celebrations will also draw attention to the rights and activism of rural women, who make up a quarter of the world population and who most of the time are left behind in every measure of development.

The time is now for all of us to be champions of gender equality and advocates for equal opportunities for both genders on all matters, starting from matters governance to domestic issues. Lets always encourage that young girl to dream because as they say it “a girl with a dream grows up to become a woman with a vision.” At the same time lets mentor the young boys to become the men, we want our daughters to get married to.

On this international women’s day i choose to celebrate my grandmother Wanjiru for always being my champion, soldier, friend and most importantly teaching me the importance of hard work in whatever i do. According to me she is farmer number 1 in this side of Sahara. Regardless of her not knowing or hearing about the “feminism action,” i have always considered her a feminist although a much traditional one who believes we should be of service to your husband but deep down believes that we can be anything despite our genders. I also celebrate my mother Grace for playing both father & mother roles in my life and doing it so gracefully. My second mother Janet for teaching me that knowledge is power and i should always strive to be knowledgeable. My aunties and cousins through you i have learnt resilience and the need to always have my voice heard. To all the ladies out there who are working hard at becoming better everyday may you never lose the zeal, I celebrate you and admire you for your strength & grace.

 

MALINDI

Inspired by  the words of Augustine of Hippo, “The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page” I decided to travel to Kilifi County on some Mangrove planting expedition together with Rotaractors from different Districts in Kenya. To be honest I always thought that tree planting projects only took place in mountainous areas such as Mau Narok, Shamanek, Karura and the likes not in the Sandy beaches of the Kenyan Coast. So last Friday night, i took a bus to Malindi which is about 600km from Nairobi. Despite the long distance the bus drive was not as bad as i had expected. The seats were quite comfy compared to the ones of those shuttle matatus from my village.

The Mangrove planting is an initiative of the Rotaract Club of Malindi and it took place at Robinson Island a few kilometers from Malindi town . Robinson is a private Island ran by Mama Gaddy and her husband who are passionate about conservation and have planted over 30,000,000 mangrove trees together with the community at the Island. Conservation of the Mangrove trees at the Coast is essential so as to protect the Aquatic life which is part of the Sustainable Developments Goals ie (SDGs). We also got to donate books & stationary at Friday Summer Readers Nursery School which is located in the Island.

Robinson is quite a unique Island  it is located near “mkono wa bahari” you can literally get to the Island by walking across a stream of the ocean or using a canoe when the water levels are high.

 

Malindi town is such a beautiful place with ancient Swahili houses and life there is quite slow, which is a good thing. I have always thought of myself to be a small town girl and I think I wouldn’t mind living there. I also got to enjoy some nice Swahili dishes “samaki ya nazi & ukwaju.” My team and i stayed at Kibali Villas near Malindi Marine Park. The rooms at Kibali were very spacious with some eye candy art decor and some beautiful outdoor lounge & dining area.

 

Reception area

Book stand

 

I also got to use the SGR for the first time. The terminus at Mombasa is quite grand, it is as though you are in some international airport. The view aboard the train is pure bliss a smooth ride i tell you, i even got to see some elephants and some beautiful sunset in Ukambani.

PS:“To be poor and be without trees, is to be the most starved human being in the world. To be poor and have trees, is to be completely rich in ways that money can never buy.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, The Faithful Gardener: A Wise Tale About That Which Can Never Die

NEW YEAR NEW BEGINNINGS

Happy New Year. Its been quite a while since I last wrote, please blame the December vibes.

2017 was quite a defining year for me, I would say I became maturer if there is such a word. Some long term friendship ended but as they say some relationships are meant to see as through a certain point in life. Relationships were built, some of them will definitely survive the new year while some of them won’t. I became more aware of the need to have a sober state of mind, to speak out for myself and to be in control of my feelings & emotions. Most importantly I learnt to listen and respect my intuition. In spite of all these lessons am still working to figure out myself.

For the last few months I have been telling myself  and loved ones that 2018 is gonna be my year to boom.  I have settled for three new year resolutions. I hope to “live” in 2018 am always induced by One Republic’s song “Lived,” am working on creating and experiencing moments because at the end memories is all I will have. To seek wisdom and knowledge is my second resolution for the new year. I promised myself to build relationships that bring out the best side of me and also to read books that intrigue and motivate me. My last resolution is to get out of my comfort zone because the only way to realize my dreams is to overcome my fears. To sum up my resolution is that I hope to nurture and grow my Catholic faith because there is beauty in believing and through faith all things are possible.

The words that I will take with me in this new year is that “Am the only constant thing in this life.”

 

Prisoner of Self

I recently read a blog post with the same title which made me realize that most of us are living a lie. Being an adult comes with responsibilities and our society as it is, has already set the standards to which we must abide to. Truth be told society tends to judge our actions harshly and as humane as we are social validation matters.

I don’t know whether am right to say this but some of us have ended up having to live a double life that is only known to us and a chosen few in pursuit of “some happiness.” In this pursuit we end up being very broken we become “these people.”  In a way life makes us do the unimaginable I somehow feel this is what growing up is all about.

Brokenness can result from many things career stagnation, unhappy marriages, or even those mid-life crises people talk about. Personally am in the early days of building a career for myself am yet to find that job that makes me feel complete you know. Some days I feel completely lost like I don’t know where am heading, am just there surviving. It has had quite an impact on my life I have become this spontaneous person. In spite of those negative feelings I have also become a more aggressive and resilient person. But anyway am just a pathfinder, am not sure whether there is  such a thing as having it all figured out, but I believe eventually I will find my place in this beautiful world.

PS:”Until you are broken you don’t know what you are made of. It gives you the ability to build yourself all over again but stronger than ever. “

First blog post

I have recently realized that am sacred of my own thoughts. Am scared of being alone in a vacuum space with only my brain. I have read and heard people emphasize on the need for meditation and having that “kamoment” when you get lost in your thoughts.

I tend to get lost in other things am the kinda of girl who gets immersed in a book and of course stalking “the people” on social media. Recently a close friend dubbed me “storified self” I accused him of being a jerk of course.

Am at that point when I feel as though am dragging behind I keep telling guys am battling with anxiety on bad days am usually on the verge of tears. I tend to believe the reason am afraid of being alone is cause am scared of facing my worries so I opt to assume this “social life” which does not reflect me.

The reason I started this blog is to have a place to vent out my worries and frustrations. I always enjoyed writing back in school but I have always been sacred to have other people read my thoughts. This is a stepping stone to me facing some of my fears.

Be on the look out for my everyday joys and lows. Thank you.